Collateral Damage: The Impact of Parental Favoritism on Sibling Relationships
Parental favoritism, the unequal treatment of children by parents or caregivers, is a complex issue with profound effects on family dynamics and individual well-being. While occasional preferential treatment might naturally occur, persistent favoritism throughout a family's life cycle can be detrimental. Research indicates that a significant percentage of individuals raised with siblings—ranging from 40% to 65%—report experiencing parental favoritism weekly (1,2). This behavior can manifest subtly or overtly and is often unintentional, but can be intentional and clearly abusive. Despite intentions, negative outcomes arise, with affected children reporting feelings of isolation and disconnection from their siblings. Parental favoritism tends to be more prevalent during times of family stress, such as relationship problems or financial difficulties. Addressing and preventing this issue is crucial, particularly when working with families of color and women.
Factors Influencing Parental Favoritism
Several factors contribute to parental favoritism. Across cultures, firstborn children frequently feel higher expectations placed upon them that can lead to feeling overwhelmed or overburdened with caregiver responsibilities. Those who identify as female often were aware of higher levels of favoritism during childhood, which can lead to symptoms of depression (1). Parental favoritism can also stem from parents identifying with a child whose personality resembles their own.
Additionally, colorism—a concept deeply tied to privilege allocation based on skin tone—can manifest as parental favoritism. Colorism's impact on family dynamics has been studied within African American families, revealing that skin tone can affect the quality of parenting received by siblings. Darker-skinned children may receive less favorable parenting, while lighter-skinned children experience preferential treatment when gender is not accounted for (4). However, at the intersection of gender and skin tone, there are conflicting results worth noting. Darker skin males received higher quality of parenting than their lighter skin male siblings, whereas lighter skin females received higher quality of parenting than their darker skin female siblings. This difference is likely due to society's emphasis on beauty, which has been internalized by parents. Darker skin males were also more frequently racially socialized to have mistrust, while females were less likely to receive this messaging (4). Researchers believed that racial socializing of darker skin males aimed to prepare them for negative experiences, perceived as additional protection (5). As this research was conducted in 2002, it's important to address ongoing issues of protection, particularly for women and girls. Though, I was not able to find this in my research of articles, I suspect that body habitus or body size is probably another form of physical appearance that shapes how parents treat their children. At the time of this writing, I can only assume based on my experience with patients that this occurs as well.
Another factor regarding parental favoritism experienced by children is the difference in their perceived abilities, both strengths and weaknesses. Many clients felt their siblings received more support and attention due to struggles in behavior, academics, or finances (especially in adulthood). Clinical psychologist Lindsay Gibson highlights another reason in her book: when one child's emotional maturity aligns more with parents, the child with greater emotional maturity may feel distance (6).
Negative Consequences for All
Parental favoritism's consequences extend to both favored and unfavored children, as well as their sibling relationships. It can fuel lifelong sibling rivalries and impact emotional well-being, leading to an increased risk of depression and anxiety (1,2,3). Favored children may experience pressure to meet elevated expectations, while unfavored children can suffer from low self-esteem. Such dynamics can result in lasting damage to sibling relationships, fostering feelings of loneliness and disconnection even in adulthood.
Preventing and Addressing Parental Favoritism
Addressing parental favoritism requires proactive strategies. Parents should recognize their own biases and challenge tendencies towards favoritism. Minimizing situations where children become caregivers can help prevent unequal treatment. Treating each child fairly while accommodating their unique needs is important. Celebrating each child's strengths fosters a positive environment, and ensuring that every child receives sufficient attention, affection, and support is essential. Encouraging positive interactions among siblings cultivates cooperation and mitigates rivalry. I would also suggest that you seek professional guidance if favoritism-related challenges persist. Understanding and addressing the implications of parental favoritism within families is vital for nurturing healthy relationships and promoting individual well-being. By recognizing underlying factors, acknowledging potential harms, and implementing effective prevention strategies, families can thrive despite the challenges posed by this complex issue. If you and your family are interested in repairing relationships that have been impacted by parental favoritism, then I encourage you to work with a family therapist.
Begin Family Therapy in California
If you or someone you know is seeking to address the impact of parental favoritism on their relationships with their siblings then please consider booking a phone consultation with Bloom & Build Integrative Psychiatry. Here are the next steps:
Learn more about online family therapy
Start Therapy and work on improving your relationship with your adult siblings or parents.
Other Mental Health Services offered at Bloom & Build Integrative Psychiatry
About the author
Dr. Alecia Greenlee, is a dynamic psychiatrist at Bloom and Build Integrative Psychiatry, who specializes in reproductive psychiatry and family therapy. She works with adult children and their siblings and parents to repair relationships. With a particular focus on BIPOC population, Dr. Greenlee brings a compassionate approach to addressing the complex intersection between family dynamics, culture, and social justice. Drawing on her experience, she offers valuable insights into the unique challenges faced by individuals seeking to nurture healthier relationships within diverse family structures.
References:
1. Cox, D. A., Witt-Swanson, L., & Orrell, B. (2023, March 31). Emerging trends and enduring patterns in American Family Life. The Survey Center on American Life. [Link](https://www.americansurveycenter.org/research/emerging-trends-and-enduring-patterns-in-american-family-life)
2. Dennett, D. (2023, August 11). The lifelong effects of “The favourite child.” BBC Future. [Link](https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20230809-the-lifelong-effects-of-the-favourite-child)
3. Ng, C. S. M., Chiu, M. M., Zhou, Q., & Heyman, G. (2020). The Impact of Differential Parenting: Study Protocol on a Longitudinal Study Investigating Child and Parent Factors on Children's Psychosocial Health in Hong Kong. Frontiers in psychology, 11, 1656. [DOI](https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.01656)
4. Landor, A. M., Simons, L. G., Simons, R. L., Brody, G. H., Bryant, C. M., Gibbons, F. X., Granberg, E. M., & Melby, J. N. (2013). Exploring the impact of skin tone on family dynamics and race-related outcomes. Journal of family psychology, 27(5), 817–826. [DOI](https://doi.org/10.1037/a0033883)
5. Allen, W., Telles, E., & Hunter, M. (2000). Skin color, income and education: A comparison of African Americans and Mexican Americans. National Journal of Sociology, 12(1), 129-180.
6. Gibson, L. C. (2015). Adult children of emotionally immature parents: How to heal from distant, rejecting, or self-involved parents. New Harbinger Publications.
7. Long, E. C., Aggen, S. H., Gardner, C., & Kendler, K. S. (2015). Differential parenting and risk for psychopathology: a monozygotic twin difference approach. Social psychiatry and psychiatric epidemiology, 50(10), 1569–1576. [DOI](https://doi.org/10.1007/s00127-015-1065-7)
