When Failure Becomes Me
The Rise of Personal Failure
In a society that puts so much weight on self-development, success, and vanity metrics it can become common to feel like you are a failure. Separating who you are versus what you do for a living can feel virtually impossible. Everywhere you turn, you are told you need to work a little harder, be a little prettier, get a little richer, and grow your capacity for a copious amount of work while enhancing your emotional awareness. The level of failure we are talking about is not the experience of failing at something, but rather the identification of being a failure. A level of failure that makes people feel as though life itself is not worth living.
Understanding the Role of Modern Power
The late narrative therapy pioneer, Michael White, wrote about personal failure in 2002 before social media allowed us to observe each other’s ability to succeed and fail in life. I would argue that since his writings the sense of inadequacy and the pressure to measure up to societal standards has only intensified. It appears that it is becoming even more difficult for people to separate who they are from what they have or have not accomplished, leading many to question their self-worth and identity. In many mental health clinician circles, I have heard about the growing desire from patients and clients to find the cause of their ‘failures’ sometimes it is a desire to identify a diagnosis or trauma(s) to hang their hat on. There is undiagnosed mental illness and unresolved trauma holding folks back, but sometimes society’s expectations are just BULLSHIT!!
The Hope and Practice of Narrative Therapy
Narrative therapy asks us to do something different. In the therapeutic conversation, the therapist highlights the importance of externalizing the problem, in this case, the idea of being a failure. Secondly, reframe the narrative and explore alternative narratives outside of feeling like a failure. Lastly, this leads to the person feeling empowered to challenge the dominant narrative around failure. The hope is that the person develops greater self-compassion and a greater sense of a liberated self; not completely bound by the pressure of modern power aka societal standards regarding who we are and ought to be.
Begin Individual Therapy in California
If you or someone you know is feeling like they are a failure and is ready to begin writing a new narrative then check out Bloom and Build Integrative Psychiatry. Here are the steps to get started:
Book a Phone Consultation
Learn more about Individual or Family Therapy
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About the Author: Dr. Greenlee is an adult psychiatrist who practices in California, offering psychiatry services, individual and family therapy with a warm and compassionate style. For more information regarding Dr. Greenlee please check out this link. #IndividualTherapy #NarrativeTherapy #FamilyTherapy